._.

ah... I was gonna write a quick review about the DVD but you know... life happened

so uh... yeah

only my tweeps knew until now: my fave aunt passed away on monday *gosh, it feel like nowadays I only tweet to announce the death of someone ._.*

it was so... sudden

I mean, she wasn't ill or anything, to be honest if we discard Mr. Hand Pain and Da Neck I'm still pretty sure she was way healthier than me

*oh gawd, here come the waterworks again...* 


*cough*

*sorry about that*

hmm I don't know if I have already said it, but the apartment complex where I live is owned and inhabited by my family *just a bit of info so it'd all make sense*

ok ah, we were doing nothing when just someone started to knock the door like crazy, it turns out it  was one of my aunts so I thought something had happened to my granpa *he's got diabetes and he's not so careful about it :/* therefore THE MOM went out to see what was going on and then called dad *he went out to buy dinner*

and then pandemonium started

we were running around getting him the stuff he needed while the ambulance came...

*sobs*

the last time I saw her, she was still unconscious while dad was using one of those bags that you press to give oxygen *sorry, I can't think of the name*

so after the ambulance left pretty much everyone started to cry

THE MOM was really trying to stay calm because well... that's what she's been trained to do during a crisis, right?   *keyword is trained*

meanwhile I was calm too, but for other reasons... you see, I wasn't feeling a thing

nor stress or anxiety, sadness, concern... you name it

ABSOLUTELY. NOTHING. AT. ALL

so I tried to console my gran the best I could when we were told that my aunt didn't make it to the hospital

*self?*

*uh uh, still nothing*

I stayed a little more while one of my cousins started to call everyone to give the news and then she and my other aunts left for the hospital to arrange paperwork and all that

soooo yesterday morning:

I woke up, fed the doggies and the kitties and had breakfast as if nothing happened  *what is wrong with you self?*  <---- question of the century

a bit later THE MOM asked if I was ok and wanted to go to the funeral

so yeah, I got dressed and everything

still nothing

it wasn't until I saw her name on the funeral home that it hit me

HARD

I don't know if my brain got stuck trying to process what was going on and finished at that moment or what

finally what everyone has been waiting for: Nianna's waterworks show START!!! :D

*sigh*

it was an intermittent show of crying hard and silent tears non stop for about 4-5 hours

I was trying to calm down when I noticed a guy kinda staring at me and I was all *stop looking at me, yes I'm crying like other ppl here, you know?* and it wasn't until I heard a woman say *aw the poor little girl*

...right

I forgot that I look way younger that I am and I also was the youngest person there

it must have been weird for the guy to see a "little girl" in there   *he's a friend of my aunt, but I didn't know half the ppl *

man, I don't even know how ppl were able have conversations! I couldn't say a whole sentence w/o starting to bawl or anything, in fact it took me a lot to even ask one of the uh workers for a glass of water D: *perhaps it's part of my fail*

while trying to calm me down I thought that thinking of a song may be a good idea *you know, a bit of distraction and all that*

and what did Nianna's stupid brain come up with?

.
.
.
.
.
*drum roll please*

movin' on

movin' on

*stares*

WHAT. IS. WRONG. WITH. YOU??!!!

*self, I'm ashamed of you

go away, I don't want to see you anymore*

that's right, I was stuck with that playing over and over in my head

*could you add guilt and shame to the emotional cocktail? thanks*

when we finally arrived Matrsufancat refused to leave me alone *except for litter box business*

;_; sweetest cat ever y/y?

*sigh*

and today... waterworks went on and off all morning but I was a bit better on the afternoon

I don't know what am I going to do on saturday, because I'm pretty sure Ninofan sensei is gonna ask what we did on monday and I don't want to give a special water show orz

ah... I don't know how to finish so I'm gonna leave it here